Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
