I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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