well I can't set my house on fire every night
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
The adults are the big ones right?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize
