i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
