I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I need a burrito and a hug.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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