Just fell off a train. Bad.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
