Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
