I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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