Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Text me some of your sweat
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
