I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
