I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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