can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize