it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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