Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
