You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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