what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
