so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
