bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
They should really pass out barf bags in church
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
