Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
