sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Randomize
