The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
