So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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