I need help removing her.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
