thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
