the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
My life is pants optional.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
