She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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