no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
