God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
