If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
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