All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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