Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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