ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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