Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
