no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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