i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
