Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
