I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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