Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize