hotel room ftw
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
