when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
