it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
