WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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