Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
