Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
