I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
