i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
He felt like a one man threesome
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I AM VODKA MAN
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Randomize
