I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
