Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
