hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
