If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
