Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
