I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
i think i just lost a toe
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
