Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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