Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
they need to just BURY HIM!
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
