i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
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