I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize