Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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