Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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