They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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