Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
