next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I booty called her while she was in labor.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
