You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
