I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
