awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Randomize
