that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
