do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
