THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
