i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Two words: blizzard sex
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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