You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
