I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Randomize