He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
